OH FUCK OFF STRESS! Nobody likes you anyway.

The older I get in life the more stress seems to grab hold of me by the ankle and give me a real good kickin'.  That's not to say people in their teens don't have their fair share of it, heck University was one of thee most stressful and challenging times of my life so far, I still don't understand fully how I made it through in one piece.  But, owning a home, leaving the family one, being a fully fledged graduate with a 40hour+ work life, whilst trying to juggle a relationship with friends, family and the other half is bloody exhausting!  Not to mention trying to find some time in there for things I enjoy doing such as this blog, cooking or hitting the gym...which we will talk about later.

I have weeks were I am total boss lady and I am fab at getting all the shit done and I love those types of weeks as I feel so accomplished, like I have my life in order and actually enjoy scoring out some of the bullet points in my ridiculous to-do list.  Then on the other hand I have weeks were I've busted my proverbial balls but if you were looking in from the outside you'd think I had done absolutely nothing because progress wise I haven't.  Those are the weeks which quite frankly I have have my fair share of and they can go fuck!

I feel like I go through these phases of just giving up hope.  I'll have one of the aforementioned weeks or months and usually at some point I'll get disheartened, frustrated and just want to throw the towel in.  It's those times were literally carrying out the basics such as feeding myself well or washing my hair that I just stop caring about altogether.  I get in such a negative mindset that everything and anything is shit, I am a failure at life and quite frankly couldn't care less what happened.  This is the version of me I absolutely loathe, and I hate for anyone to see this side to me because it's the ugly side I wish no one did see - I couldn't be any farther from this person, yet at the same time, this person is me! Does that make sense?  Can you tell I'm currently undergoing this mindset?

Usually it takes for me to spend a day or two as this version of me until I get bored of laying in bed watching meaningless YouTube or Insta videos which inevitably make me feel even worse about my life, before I get up and have a serious chat to myself about what the hell I am doing sitting around moping and my kick ass self comes back into play... at least until the vicious cycle comes back round.

I guess you clicked on this post hoping for a magic cure, one that's different from those crappy posts you read where people tell you to eat healthy or do some form of exercise.  Deep down I know that both of these things help, in fact I recommend you do both - but at the same time I know this is the last thing I want to hear let alone do when I'm in the midst of my self loathing phase.  Exercise at times genuinely is the only way I function as an adult after a shit day at work, I focus the frustration into whatever I'm doing in the gym that night and become overjoyed with progressing outside of my 9-5 by lifting an extra 5kg or being able to run an extra mile.  You should really try it... once you pick yourself back out of that mood though, everybody should allow themselves a day in bed if they feel like it.  Don't ever neglect yourself or limit yourself from feeling crappy.  It's unrealistic to think we need to spend every waking moment this happy person.

Yanno what though, typing out this spontaneous blabbering blog post bloody helped!

Does anyone else ever feel like this?